Moonlight
by Ardala91
Summary: He could feel the familiar flames of wrath entering his being. Katara gazed at him, waiting for a response before she finally added. "I blame myself sometimes. I could have saved her with my healing abilities." One-shot. Kataang/Maiko/Implied Zutara.


Moonlight

_"Wait for me by moonlight, __watch for me by moonlight, __I'll come to thee by moonlight, __though hell should bar the way." _-Alfred Noyes

Disclaimer: I do not own Avatar.

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The moon was bright tonight along with the twinkling stars. It seemed to him that they parted the shadows of the night away from him, keeping him safe from ill thoughts and memories. He always walked in the garden when he needed to clear his mind and his feet always led him to that certain spot. Naturally, he was quite surprised when he saw another figure standing there in front of the dark pond. He lit a small flame in his hand that seemed too small to him to survive against the overwhelming darkness. He made the flame larger.

The figure in front of him whirled around in a flash of blue. _Katara? _He gaped at her. She was visiting with Aang, but what was she doing out here in the middle of the night? "Zuko," she said stunned, "What are you doing out here?"

"I was about to ask you the same thing," He responded with curious eyes that shined in the flickering light. Her dark face was cast in the dark shadows that danced from the firelight across her smooth skin.

"I couldn't sleep," she replied with a shrug. Her light, blue eyes sparkled against the firelight. Zuko walked next to her and looked at the unmoving water of the pond before him. The water was still, reminding him of a foreboding fate that couldn't be halted.

"This spot has always been special to me," He commented quietly, "It's strange that you should come here to calm your thoughts too."

"Who said my thoughts needed _calming_?" Katara demanded with raised eyebrows. He turned his head to look at her mixed expression of defiance and surprise. Once that look would have been of pure dislike and distrust, but they had become friends long ago. Except years had passed since the early days after the war. He had not seen her in over five years since the day before.

"That's usually the reason why someone would be out walking in the middle of the night," he responded, "Unless their up to mischief." He gave her a questioning look at the same time.

Katara snorted.

"I'm guessing bad dreams," He then added precariously. Nightmares were not pleasant. Even now the dreams of his sister's fall and hating eyes followed him into that forgetting realm.

"Good diagnosis. Do you have a cure?" Katara said in part sarcasm. Zuko looked at her annoyed face, wondering if…

"This is my cure," Zuko stated, "But usually I am alone here."

Katara looked away from his face and glanced up at the moon. "It's almost a full moon," She commented. "I remember when it went out…It was one of the most terrifying I have seen."

Zuko looked at the moon and then the silvery light that reflected on her dark skin. Such a contrast to his own color, he thought absentmindedly. "I remember," He said softly. Back in those days when things had been different and then they had become friends. Now…now they were strangers once more.

"You called me a filthy peasant," Katara said lightly. "You did a lot than I suppose though." Zuko looked at her face, looking for a meaning to her words.

He gave her an embarrassed smile. "I was different than," He said in half-apology.

"I know," Katara affirmed. She looked away and into the dark water of the pond. "You're different to now." Zuko tried to hide a look of surprise as he looked at her. What was that supposed to mean? He had changed during the end of the war, but was she referring to then or now? "I'm sorry about Mai," Katara said quietly. Zuko twitched as she said it. Yesterday had been formalities in front of many others and than a quiet dinner with the three of them. Zuko had not talked to them about it. He hadn't wanted to.

Zuko's heart seemed to close up at the mention of her name, what little was left to begin with. It seemed so hard for him to feel much these days. Yet now he could feel the familiar flames of wrath entering his being. He didn't want to talk about this!Katara gazed at him, waiting for a response before she finally added. "I blame myself sometimes. I could have saved her with my healing abilities."

That did it.

Zukofelt the anger swooping within him like a roaring dragon. He had thought of that too, but she had been on the other side of the world at the time. Why couldn't she save her? Why couldn't he have saved her! "You're done talking about this," He snarled out at last.

Katara didn't even flinch. She just gazed at him with such care in her blue eyes. He had been wrong, he thought, she hadn't changed. She'd only grown up. Katara gave him a slow, but mournful smile. "I can't have children," She said bitterly. "I was jealous of her when I heard. Aang and I had tried for months, only to find out it was _me_, not him."

Zuko's hand crushed the fire within his palm, letting the dark engulf them. The moon's light was their only protecting grace now. He felt a pang in what was left in the feeling part of his burdened heart. The Avatar needed to have children to try to pass on his airbending heritage to save his lost people and for the next Avatar to have someone to learn airbending from. Katara knew that and she had always been the motherly figure within their group. She would have been a great mother. Life has a cruel twist to it still, he thought furiously. "I'm sorry," He said thickly.

Katara looked up at the moon. He could see the angry tears dwelling in her eyes. "It's okay," She shrugged, "I've…come to live with it." She smiled serenely at the moon. "I regret that I can't have my own and that I am going to break Aang's heart."

"What?" Zuko said instantly.

She looked at him with a challenging face. "There's no way I can be with him," She explained with an embittered face. "He needs to have children. You know that as well as anybody! And I can't be the one to have his children!" Zuko's eyes were drawn to the once still water of the pond as he saw the water ripple.

"Katara…" He warned.

"It's not fair!" She continued with her emotion growing stronger. "I can't have children and she loses her life having one! I would have done that…for him…"

Zuko turned her around with his strong arms and crushed her into his embrace. He was almost surprised even when she sobbed into his shoulder. He patted her back reassuringly. Mai had never cried…except for when…Zuko's heart blackened and burned at the memory….

_It had been hours and hours of waiting. Finally the midwife had let him come to the entrance of the room. His heart pounded wildly for he had heard her cries. Mai never screamed. She was strong. A fighter. He feared for her fate and their child, but knew that women made it through childbirth all the time. She had said everything would be fine. She had promised…_

_The healer looked at him with tired hazel eyes. She was a young woman surprisingly. "Your Majesty," She began in a careful voice. "The birth was difficult, but you are now a father of a healthy son." Zuko's heart swelled within. He had a son! He would not be like his father. Iroh had taught him was a real father is like. "Your wife...my lord…she has lost much blood." Zuko looked at her fearfully. What…?...._

"_She doesn't have much longer, My lord," The healer continued, "She is waiting for you."_

Zuko pushed Katara away from himself. She had stopped crying and looked at him stunned with her tear-stained cheeks. Agni…why did she remind him of that moment? He turned away from her, recalling the single fact that every time he looked at his son he was reminded of his mother. He could barely stand to look at his son. His eyes….

"You're not the same anymore," Katara hurled suddenly.

"No, I'm not," Zuko admitted with his back still turned to her. He could feel her presence behind himself, calm and peaceful, unlike what it had been moments ago.

"You haven't even shown Aang and me your son," She accused. "You don't even talk about him."

Zuko didn't answer her. How dare she? What did she knew of what it was like to lose someone? She had lost her mother, but that had been many years ago. She did not have to deal with their eyes mocking you in someone else's face! Then he realized her words in that battled realization. She was going to leave Aang. The Avatar loved her more than anyone in the whole world. She had meant when she had said she was going to break his heart. She couldn't understand entirely though. "Does Aang care that you can't have children?" He prodded with a meaning to wound. He turned around to face her.

Katara looked at him hurtfully and knowingly. The silver light seemed to make her skin darker like the night. "He said it didn't matter," She refuted lowly. "That he would find a way for us to have kids."

"You don't believe him," Zuko finished for her.

She looked at him with her ethereal blue gaze. "Some things can't be changed," She declared darkly. "Even if you're the Avatar."

"I blamed him for not being there to save her," He admitted at last, "And you sometimes. You both had the abilities that could have saved her."

"She gave you a son, Zuko," Katarasaidwith a tone of passion, "She gave her life for him and you act as if he doesn't exist!"

Zuko felt the dragon rising from the cold embers within. "You can't understand!" He yelled suddenly. "Every time I look at him I see her!" He breathed heavily as he glared at her dark face, waiting for a yelling match in return.

She was completely silent.

"Don't you have anything to say?" Zuko said harshly.

There was a long moment. A breath. Than the fall.

"I'd die to give Aang a child."

Zuko took in a sharp breath. She'd do that, but she couldn't have children. Did she know what kind of pain she would put the Avatar through if she had? By leaving him? But life…life could be so cruel. He knew that well. "You can't do that though," Zuko finished for her.

She looked up at him with a heartbreaking gaze that even made him flinch. He took a step towards her without even realizing it. He was the first one to reach for her, but she didn't step away when he did. Without even realizing what he was quite doing and its implications, his lips were on hers as he pulled her into his embrace. She didn't shove him away or fight as he would have hadn't thought of her in this way before. True, she was attractive, but he had _loved _Mai and Aang and her….Things had been so right in those days…

_….Aang…Mai…_

He pulled away at the thought of their faces. She gazed up at him bewildered either by the kiss or his sudden rejection. He didn't know. "I'm sorry," He breathed. "That wasn't right."

She looked at him with a realization, something he could have missed before. "Why?" She asked. "I can't be with him and you have no one. Your son needs a mother and…I could help you."

Zuko took a step away from her. She had such strength…

_She rested weakly against the pillows, yet strong as he looked at him with her golden eyes. He took her hand and kissed her forehead. He brushed her damp hair out of his face. "Did you see him?" She asked tired. _

"_Yes," He answered. Their small baby boy was red and patchy from the birthing with a fine dark patch of hair and golden eyes...her eyes and shape already…__He should have been happy to see his son. _

"_I love you," She said weakly. She grimaced for a moment. She hadn't been one to admit openly to emotion easily. _

"_I love you too," He responded. He felt her hand grow limp in his own hand. Her eyes were open and glassy as she let out her last breath at his words. Such strength…for their son…and for him…_

"Would it be so wrong?" Katara asked. He could almost hear a plea in her voice. Zuko looked at her beautiful face. He glanced up at the glowing moon above them. He opened his mouth and did not regret the words that would fall from there.

His withering heartbeat would slowly start to heal in time.

Some things don't work. Some things, good and bad, just happen in life.

Yet he would always remember that night in the moonlight for his life would be changed once more.

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A/N: This is a one-shot. If you liked it, I would suggest reading my series of one-shots about Zuko and Aang. Thanks for reading and please review!


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